I work next to a community college. Apparently there are several thousands of people who attend there that are on campus for an average of two hours. People are not there for community. Students get to campus, go to class, take the class and leave. I guess you could say that at that campus that “community college” is an oxymoron.
I also am part of a community church. Trust me, adding community to your name does nothing to create community. Knowing and being known by others is difficult work. For those of you looking to avoid that work, I made a handy list of ways to keep from getting burdened with too many relationships.
1. Consider yourself better than others. People can tell a prideful person instantly, and they will stay clear of you. You prevent being annoyed by people avoiding you because you are better than them. If you have a religious bent, make this known immediately and fight to the hilt over it.
2. Act busy. Avoid prioritizing and scheduling and fill your time with one insignificant commitment after another. This will prevent having to address any needs for significant friendships.
3. Be consumed with technology. There are plenty of ways to clutter your life with music, phones and other forms of technology. If someone tries to talk with you, constantly check your phone for messages, or fire off a few texts. I also suggest slipping on the biggest headphones you can find. Others will get the hint.
4. Be a victim. Everyone knows the one person whose life events are so crazy it is as if God himself is punishing them. If you choose this route, you must blame everyone else, never deal with the pain of the past, and expect others to get on board with making you the center of the universe.
5. Break confidences. An amazing amount of people enjoy confidentiality as a value in friendship. To prevent this, tell other people any information that you get about others as soon as possible.
6. Spread gossip. Who cares if it is true, do you know the rush of being able to tell another person something about somebody else? Others will listen to you until they figure out you are not a safe person, and probably say things about them as well.
7. Don’t keep your word. Say you will be somewhere, and then don’t go. Say you will do something, and then don’t do it. Others will get the idea that you are not a person to be relied on.
8. Be afraid. One of the greatest ways to avoid intimacy is to fear it. Question people’s motives, resist the idea of love. Perfect love casts out fear, but fear of intimacy casts out intimacy. If you show who you really are, sure there is a chance that people could know, love and forgive you but why take that chance?
What would you add to this list? What behaviors have you see that are effective for avoiding community?
This post originally appeared on CTK Blog –http://ctkblog.com/2013/02/13/how-to-avoid-intimacy/
You may follow Derek Archer on Twitter – @darebub
